The Persian O-Yang Fong and his cousin West poison are lovers
They've conceived a plan to take over the throne
But to complete their coup, they must get the royal seal
And it's finally happening, But, who wants to hear about it!
Let's get to the part where I'm kicking ass!
We can't stop him!
Protect His Majesty!
Help me!
Let's go to the seraglio!
What do you want?
Listen here old man,
We can do this the easy way or the hard way
I want you to give up the throne
Or else...
You want to take my throne?
Did I stutter?
Quit talking to him!
Lets get the seal first, and then we'll kill him
We'll clean this place up, and then we can get married
Then we'll have a baby prince. Isn't that just perfect?
You just read my mind
Give me the imperial jade seal
What is that!
If you give it to us , we might just let you go?
Give it up!
If I hadn't taken you out of Taiwan You wouldn't be where you are right now
That's enough!
Let's give him one of our drum trained little pets
AH! that thing's huge!
If you're smart, you'll start talking!
I'll never tell you!
Really?
Stop it, Stop it!
That's the wrong drum! Don't go around wasting those
You know how long it took me to train those things?
Sorry! It was a practice one This should be it
This is the one
Are you going to tell us?
The third princess has it!
The third princess?
She knew about your plan, so she fled
So I...
That bitch! How'd she know? Doesn't matter she won't get far!
That seal will be mine!
Where'd you go?
Who's behind all this?
It's me, O-Yang Fong!
How dare you do something like this?
You do know you'll be punished?
He is going to take over the throne! Your father is in our hands
I think you know what'll happen if you don't give us the Jade seal
I knew that you both were plotting something
I'm glad I started practicing my Shen-Kong
Let my father go
or you'll both die
OK! Show me your Wu-Liung-Shen-Kong
Third Princess. Your Shen-Kong isn't good enough!
Don't worry! Stand aside!
The seas can't be measured!
Is that what you call "Wu-Liung-Shen-Kong"? That was too funny!
The seas can't be measured!
This is too much!
The seas can't be measured!
Are you ok?
Take care!
Cousin!
I hurt my ass!
Cousin! Are you ok?
Why are you standing here? Go after them!
The first style of Toad shen-kong!
The seas can't be measured!
Princess! Let's go
I won't! The seas can't be measured!
Shi-Du's toad shen-kong is too powerful!
Princess, Don't do this!
Go meet your master in Joe-Kong-Mountain.
You can get your revenge later, let's go.
Princess! Let's go!
Princess! Hurry!
Princess! Come on now! Go!
Princess! Don't do this! Let's go!
I have to stop her!
Here I come!
Shi-Sha Centipede Legs!
The second style of Toad Shen-Kong!
The seas can't be measured!
It missed me, I wonder who got hit by her blast?
That was exhausting!
Cousin! Watch out!
Cousin! What's wrong? Cousin!
You have to avenge me!
Cousin! Rest in peace!
You're not dead?
No, stupid! I asked you to avenge me I didn't say I was dead!
She's riding the magical Hen-Shei horse! How can I get her?
I got an idea! Find the imperial master
Imperial master! We have to leave!
Haven't you heard? The queen and her lover rebelled
You have to leave, the princess has already fled as well
You must hurry!
You think I don't want to?
There's a centipede in my stomach, I can't go anywhere
Leave me alone!
Not to worry! Look!
Did you steal this from the queen?
That's wonderful!
Use it before they both get her....
Show me the crystal ball. I want to know where the princess is
You think I'll help you? Screw you!
You think that's the right drum?
Listen up! I have the real one!
You're a liar!
Well, I guess you're just going to have to wait and see
Get on with it!
Don't worry, I'll be done right....now!
Fong!
Hey! I knew you were lying!
Don't do that to him!
Stop it! You're hurting him!
I'm not stopping till she does!
You stop first!
You're not the only one with one! Take this!
Why does my stomach hurt when you hit it?
I fed you one when last night when we were kissing!
Now it's fair, we all have one.
How dare you do this to me! You jerk!
Stop it!
OK! OK!
When I count to 3, we'll all stop Ok!
I'll stop, but I don't trust her!
One, two, three! Stop!
I'm still not over you giving me that centipede!!
I didn't mean it!
Yes you did! It's cause of you were in this situation!
Okay, let's talk this over...alright?
Go to hell!
She is leaving for Joe-Kon Mountain to meet her master
So we have to kill her before she gets there
But she's riding the magical Han-Shei Horse
So the only way we can catch her is...
What? Imperial master!
Use my "invincible flying shoes"
Can the shoes really make you fly?
Don't touch the wings!
That's amazing, and so fast!
I still have something else to give you
It's the "invincible poisonous queen bees"
Why are you so generous?
You'll find out just how much after you use it
I can't wait to find out
These shoes are awesome!
Uncle!
Chen Jen disciples call on Uncle Chou
Where are the rest of the disciples?
At Chon-Yang Shrine
We came first, the other's should be here soon
Our senior brother has isolated himself. He's been practicing Shen-Tien-Kong for 5 years
Today he comes out of his isolation period
The Chen-Jen religion will be unstopable from now on!
Chi-Ji! You're so strong now!
Muscles everywhere!
Uncle! I'm not Cho Chu-Ji. I'm Wang Chu-I!
Wang Chu-I! Where's Chu-Ji?
Uncle! It's me!
Chu-Ji! You look so strong!
- Let me see that strong chest of yours! - Uncle! Don't do this!
Master would terminate his isolation period
if he ever finds out of this, he'd be furious!
Of course he wouldn't be happy
But I should've been his wife by now
Always trying to ruin my fun!
I'm happy no one saw that
OK! I'll contact junior brother by my "thousand miles reaching voice"
It's me! I finished , I mastered Shen-Tien-Shen-Kong
You've nowhere to run? Fly!
What the hell? It's on fire!
I'm invincible now!
So hot!
Let's go!
This sucks!
I hope this doesn't hurt much!
Wait! I heard 2 voices from opposite sides.
That Shen-Tien style he learned is amazing
My head is killing me!
Excuse me! Are you ok?
I'm ok! just enjoying the cool breeze!
Why is there a shoe in your head?
You're kidding! How could there be a shoe in my head?
If it's not a shoe, then what is it?
- A Weapon - A Weapon?
I've been isolating myself for 5 years training and..
trying to figure out how the enemy would attack me
But who would use a shoe to kill someone?
I'm telling you, it's a weapon!
I, Wan Chon-Yang, am the master of Martial Arts
A shoe won't kill me so easily! ........It's a Weapon
Do you really believe that?
I broke all my bones! I can't move at all
Leave this message for my love, tell her I'll have to marry her in the next life
She gave me this robe, please take it off and return it to her
Then I'll be able to die peacefully! Thanks!
Master! How can you still talk so fast even you're dying?
Guess I spoke too soon! Master, Master?
It's him again!
Senior brother!
Master!
When you called us, why didn't you say you were dying?
You should've at least left a horse for us!
Uncle! Please behave yourself!
What's wrong with me?
We are both brothers
But we felt like a couple
I've lost my love. I want to avenge his death
There's something wrong with this picture
That witch must've raped him first
It must be that woman riding that horse
I will avenge him!
Uncle! Why are you moving around so much?
I don't know what you speak of!
I think you must be confused
Thank god! One of our Dwan family can enter Nirvana
Your Majesty! I don't understand
Didn't you say you had a dream about the Arhans?
Yes!
When I was very very young My father told me I'd have...
a great grandson of mine, will be reincarnated by an Arhan, and will solve this dream for me
I'm 189 years old
I'm worried I can't wait much longer
I'm glad you're making it come true
Grandpa! What was the dream about?
It's been a long time, I don't remember
Grandpa! I don't get it!
You're the only on without sense of humor in the Dwan Family
If you want to enter Nirvana, you need to find the one who loves you
Who loves me?
His surname is Huang! He has 666 on his chest
Only if he says "I love you" sincerely
You'll turn into smoke and go into the heavens
Then I can enter Nirvana!
So my marriage with the beautiful princess of Jint-Jen country...
You stupid idiot, are you out of your mind!
Forget these girls down here!
Do you know how hot they are up there?
Your majesty!
- Grandpa! - Get up!
How come it's ok for you to be with girls on earth?
Have you ever seen an 189-year-old man wanted by so many girls?
Am I not happier than a god? Why would I want to be one? Shit!
You don't want to be a god. I do!
OK! I'll call off my engagement
Then I'll go look for my true love
Be careful!
It's so hard practicing "Speak with with your eyes" sword style
It's so exhausting!
It's really hard speaking with your eyes with each thrust
Can we practice "Endless love" sword style instead?
"Endless love" sword style? I'm afraid you couldn't control yourself
Do you remember what you did when we were practicing last time
The "Blazing Palm against dry firewood" If I didn't work hard to stop you
We might have done something awful
Let's make it clear! I'm the one who was trying to stop you
Be quiet!
Do you really love me?
Of course! Since I came here when I was seven;
You're the only woman I think of
I truly love you
What if you met another women...
Would you still love me?
Of course I would! Don't be silly
Could you tell me where is the Jo-Kon-Immortal Taoist?
Don't look at him like that? You can't have him he's all mine!!!
We're engaged okay!
Even you don't care that were engaged, he'll never fall for you!
You think I want to be with him?
He's the one looking at me like that, not the other way around!
I don't care if it's you who's looking at him
or him looking at you Stop it!
He's mine. He can only look at me like that!
- You'll have to go through me first! - You gotta start trusting me around other women
Could you tell me why you want to meet Jo-Kong?
You can't answer that, and you can't talk to him!
You must be kidding?
It's an emergency! Where is he?
Shut up!
Thanks alot!
What?
Nothing! I just copied her words
- Why did she say "Thanks alot" like that? - I've no idea.
Does she like you?
I think so!
Do you like her?
No! Of course not!
I don't believe you!
Hey, where are you going?
To kill myself!
Master! You have to give me a hand this time
If you want to beat O-Yang Fong
You should find yourself a fiancé in Da-Li Nation
Who has a strong army and horses
Hi Yang-Chi is a powerful man
Go find him now!
Can't we figure out some other way?
Well, then...
Master!
Get the Jo-In-Jeng-Jin and practice the Wu-Kong from the book
Then you can beat O-Yang Fong
Uhh...
How can I get the Jo-Yang-Jeng-Jin?
That book is in Dan-Sha Mountain's Jo-In-White Skeleton cave
There are four fierce beasts inside
Although one of them died recently.
it's still dangerous to go there alone
Bitch! Take this!
Master!
That's going to hurt in the morning!
It's Chow!?
Master!
- Chow - Quiet! I have something to say!
What is it?
She became my pupil when I was in Jing Ren Nation
I met her before you
She's a little nuts, you gotta watch yourself
Now, I order Huang to acompany you to Dan-Sha mountain
Dan-Sha mountain! I...
Don't be too hard on her
Shut your mouth up! She's hit me twice already!
Master! I didn't mean to hit you!
Master! No!
Follow me!
Senior brother! Help me!
What's wrong with your hand?
What's wrong with yours?
Now I'm holding your pulse
If you think you're gunna get any, I'll just kill you right now
Why are you still here?
Yes. Master!
This way miss!
I want to go with you!
No! Help me clean up my wounds
Yes, master!
He can't stop me! I'll leave the first chance I get!
I heard that centipedes love chicken
I hope I can pull it out
What are you doing?
Nothing! Just flossing my teeth
Don't play games with me! You think I'm stupid?
- You're trying to pull the centipede out? - Not at all!
Yeah right!
How about I put 2 down there this time!
Where's Fong?
My crystal ball seems broken!
Broken! I'll give you 3 days
If you can't fix it in 3 days
You'll be in big trouble!
Chow! You didn't finish?
Come back!
Did he think I wouldn't run away? Stupid old man!
My love awaits me!
Cousin!
Cousin! I found you!
Cousin?
I'm your cousin
You're my cousin! Bullshit!
You don't remember me?
Why I feel faint seeing you if you're not my cousin?
Here it goes again!
What do you want?
I want to marry you!
Marry me? Did I ever promise to marry you?
Did you forget we got engaged when we were young?
King, my uncle, agreed!
He gave me a piece of jade! You've got one, too
He told me to wait for you here, cause you'll leave the mountain when you're 18
Ridiculous! How could he know that?
My uncle told me your facial expression shows that
you'll marry a man this year
If you keep up with this bullshit, I'll beat your ass!
Why are like this? Don't you like me anymore?
I'm not your cousin! We're not cousins!
You should take a look at yourself
I already have a lover! His name is Huang!
Cousin! I have many great qualities
Hey! Keep your mouth shut!
Don't tell anyone else I'm your cousin! You ugly man!
What? Why am I that ugly?
I'm the most handsome, leader ever in the history of The Beggar Gang
Look!
Junior leader!
Am I good-looking?
Of course! But you have a meeting to attend to
No!
Why?
My cousin left me here! I'm going to kill myself!
What will we do if you're dead?
You'll have to decide that by playing paper,rock,scissors
That's unethical to choose the beggar's leader by a game
Oh really?
Didn't I win the leader's title the same way years ago?
Junior leader!
Could he really be my cousin? How disgusting!
I need to catch up with Huang
Even the heavens are jealous of me. I'm the most handsome man ever
Even if it's the last day of my life
I can never accept that kind of rejection
It's taken me forever but, I finally made it up here
Goodbye cruel world!
Why the hell did you do that?
Do you know how long it took for me to get up there?
Am I still alive?
Not for long! Get your ass over here!
- His skills are great! - This beggar's style is amazing
What am I doing?
She doesn't want me anyway I should just kill myself
Go ahead, Kill me!
I won't fight back!
The first style of Toad Sheng-Kong
Good Palm style!
You're not bad! But you won't beat me!
I'll show you my Shan-Long 18 palm style
The dragon is in the field! One! Two! Three!
Flying dragon in the sky!
Regretful dragon!
Gravitational acceleration! I power down the centrifical force
is equal to 360 degree angle
You said you wouldn't fight back?
Sorry about that! It's just a natural response You should know how it is
Let's try it again!
Can I count on your words?
Sure! I'll close my eyes, and I promise I won't fight back
Let's go!
The second style of Toad-Sheng-Kong
Go for it!
I can't stand it anymore!
Sword dragon in the sky!
Blue dragon drinking water!
Dragon out of the cave!
Oh crap!
You did it again! You son of a bitch!
Sorry!
Your power stirred up my natural strength in my body
So exercise your strength just a little bit
This time it will work!
I don't want to!
Come on! Please!
I don't want to!
Ok! This time I'll tie my hands up
No way! You're a liar
Come on! Please!
You're asking for it!
I won't fight back!
Don't break your promise
I'll kill him using only one hand!
Dragon is waving tail
Is he crying?
You lied again!
Sorry for that! Sorry!
I can't believe I did it again
It's that damn natural response my friend
Believe me I'm not enjoying this
Don't cry! I promise it won't happen again
OK! Let's do it one more time
You're full of shit, I don't want to do it again
I'll end up dying before you, if we keep working like this
Please just commit suicide
Don't be angry! I won't kick you!
Please let me go! I'm in so much pain!
I won't kick you!
I won't lie. Tie up my body, please
Then I can't kick you
Let me go! Don't drag me!
I'll tie myself up!
Come on!
Come on! Hurry!
I have the pleasure of
being killed by you
So you should thank me!
Try the best Wu-Kong on me
Hit me as hard as possible!
This is really cruel!
Don't have mercy on me!
I'll have no mercy on you
Come on!
The 3rd style of Toad-Shen-Kong
Goddamn it! I got a leg cramp!
Are you okay?
You're hurt? What's wrong?
Now you're trapped! I'm in charge of your pulse
You're dead!
I'm holding your pulse, too
Don't be stupid!
If you kill me , I'll kill you
It's no good killing each other like this
You're the one that wants to die, not me!
You're finally dead!
What the hell?
Thanks! that was more relaxing than taking a bath or a massage
Screw you! I'm out of here!
I'm getting the hell away from you!
Don't try and stop me!
There's a...
Can't hear you!
A big hole!
Now's my chance
Say goodbye! Invincible poisonous Queen Bees!
That bitch tricked me, How dare she ......
I bit my tongue
I've never seen one of these before!
Deadly tiger paw!
How can a banana tree grow prickly pears? What an unlucky guy
Son of bitch! I can't take much more of this, I have to kill him!
OK! I'll use Wu-Shin escaping skills!
Is that you?
I'm hurt! Get me out of here!
Where are you hurt?
My leg!
Let me see!
I'll kill you this time with my knife!
Is it here?
Yeah... that's it!
There's nothing!
I'll stab you to death
What are you doing? Stand still
I want you to die!
What're you doing? You don't even have a blade on that thing
Huh?
I don't care! I'll kill you with the handle
Why are you so sad?
You dislocated my hand!
Lie down!
What's wrong?
My knife is in my back!
Let me take a look!
Pull it out!
I don't see it!
Goddamn it! The knife is inside me!
All of it?
Don't be afraid! I'll suck it out with my internal strength
You've put me through so much pain!
I've tried everything to kill you! Except try and poison you.
I've sucked it out!
How's that feel, better?
I need water to rinse my mouth out!
I'll be right back
Here ya go!
What's wrong?
How do I look? Do I look weird?
No, you look fine!
Really!
Actually, your lips look kind of swollen...
Like what?
They look like 2 big giant sausages under your nose
Oh God! I have to see a doctor
Where are you going?
Please, let me go see a doctor
No! If you go now, who will kill me?
I get hurt too badly whenever I try!
I am in pain from head to toe. Now I don't even look like a man
Now my mouth looks like 2 plump sausages
Please let me go!
I hate quitters
So do I!
If I could kill you, I would have done it already
Please please let me go
I've reached my limit, I'll come and kill you again real soon
You'll really come back?
Yes, just let me see the doctor. You can come along if you don’t trust me.
Go!
This is Jo-In-White skeleton Cave
This isn't a very safe place to be. I wonder how many....
Where are you?
Here I am!
Don't play games like that again. This is a dangerous place.
Don't do that!
You really shouldn't that. You don't know where it's been
Who do you think you are my Dad? Listen
Master told me there are three monsters here
You have to watch yourself
Don't say I didn't warn you
You don't have to worry about me
Master only asked me to keep you company
I don't have to get that book with you
Besides, I'll just cause trouble
I think I'd better wait here. You go ahead
What! Me alone?
You scared?
Are you kidding? This is a piece of cake.
OK! Wait for me here!
What did you see?
Nothing!
So why did you scream?
It's dark!
Don't laugh! If you're so brave, you go in there
OK!
It didn't scare him, I can't let him think I'm a scaredy cat
Huang!
I got her good!
Where'd she go?
Huang!
Think you can scare me?
I saw something!
So did I!
Gee! I saw something weird...
What is it?
- A man! - A man? How Horrible!
You mean "me"!
You scared me! I'll never believe you again
Hey!
Listen to me!
Don't follow me!
No more talking! Let's look for the Jo-In-Jong-Jin
What's wrong?
A monster!
What monster?
I don't know how to describe it It's a monster with 3 heads
It looks like a gorilla, a lizard and a bird
I don't believe you
Don't!
Is this what you were scared of?
A monster!
Come here!
They're more scared of us then we are of them
One's next to you
Don't be scared! We know martial arts
Yeah, but I'm scared to death to use it
Coward! Take this! Look at me!
The seas can't be measured
Are you all right?
What are you doing?
Are you trying to kill me or the monster?
Sorry!
The Jo-In-Jeng-Jin!
Don't touch it!
What are you doing?
Why did you hit me?
It's your fault I got bit
Do you even know what bit you?
No
I'll tell you
That's the most famous "Bone itching Poisonous Ant"
If I hadn't sucked the poison out Guess what would've happened to you?
I apologize
If it ever happens to you, I'll do the same
What's the matter?
Oh god! I just got bit! Suck it out
No way! I'll suck the poison out anywhere but there
Hey, don't go back on your word
Let's get this show on the road
Thanks for all your help
If I can recover my land, I'll give you a title as "General" Chief
Can I ask for another title?
Like what?
The husband of the princess!
Just kidding! Just kidding!
Why do they smell so bad?
It's awful isn't it!
They're moving our toilets!
Move them back! Be careful! Don't break them!
Hurry!
Weird! Why are they still here?
Yeah! I think the monsters are playing games with us
Damn it!
These people are so stupid
Yeah! Stupider than us!
What are you doing?
What am I doing? I'm setting up a trap for them
Let's make this more fun!
Great idea!
After them!
Snapping finger
Don't bother snapping! Look at me!
The seas can't be measured!
Was that "Kung-Fu"?
Since you're so tired
Why don't we stay for a while at an Inn?
This one is no good! I'll try this one
One, two, three!
Let's try the other one!
Why?
They don't have stinky toilets!*
True love! Please walk slower!
Why are you following me?
True love! Could you show me your breasts
Aunt! Could you show me your breasts
Pervert!
Could the three of you show me...
Show me your tits!
Lady, salute!
The colors of our clothes are so similar
May I...
Lady! please don't go!
The world is so huge. Where can I find my true love?
Excuse me!
The Indian is so handsome!
May I help you?
Why are you looking at me like this?
You got a problem or something?
Actually no I....
Can't hear you!
Listen! I don't like the way you're looking at me
Because it's so easy to fall in love looking at your eyes
I don't think so!
I'm almost done, are you married?
I'd rather devote myself to Cheng-Jen than be married
Oh my god! You must really work out!
Uncle! Let's go!
I think this guy must be crazy!
It's hate wearing clothes from a pawnshop
They're probably fleas in them
There's that woman
Hey! Come here!
Innkeeper!
What room are they in?
Tell me now!
Room number one!
Really? Then I want number two! Go!
Room number two! Lead her there!
Please!
This is number two!
So number one is in the back
No!
Over there!
No!
Is it this way?
No!
Where is it?
Over there! Down the stairs and then up the stairs
The second one upstairs
How come number two isn't next to number one?
What? Didn't anyone tell you
Number one is next to number two?
What's so funny? I'll pull all your teeth out
Why are you staring at me?
Don't fall for me! I'm out of your league anyway
I'm like a phoenix and you're like a chicken?
I could never be with a commoner like yourself
I think...
Don't! Don't even think it!
I already know what you're thinking!
I think you'll have chance with me if I stay here
Nope! No chance at all!
Why'd you turn around?
Because you keep yelling at me!
I know the real reason
You can't look me in the face, because you're thinking of me naked
I heard there's a Indian rapist on the loose in the area
If he happened to come in here I can protect myself. But what about you?
I'll be fine!
Go back to your room, and don't come out
I heard he also likes men too
Oh no!! I'm so scared!
I finally got you back
I can't see anything at all
What are you doing?
Nothing! Leave me alone
Mind your own business!
Don't try to get close to me. Or I'll kill you
Do I want to get close to you? Who do you think you are?
I know that I'm right. Otherwise, why are you getting so angry?
Don't look at me! Otherwise I'll dig out your eyes
I'll let you smell the smoke first
I actually feel a little bad about doing this
You look so familiar!
I'm the felt that strong chest of yours this morning
That was you!
What are you doing?
I got bored and decided to go for a walk
Have a cigarette!
What brand? It smells so good
Actually this brand is...
What are you doing?
Are you ok?
Which room are you in?
Wait!
We want to stay here tonight. Are there any rooms available?
It's full! No vacancy!
What did you say?
What do you want?
Don't be so rude! We're begging for help
Just find a place Where we can stay for one night
Go to the firewood room
If you would've let me do the talking we would've got in
Go!
I'm sorry, I really don't want to see you when you're really angry
You didn't have to hit me
Not bad! let's get some rest!
Did you do everything I ordered?
Yes!
I decided to make a surprise attack tonight
Uncle! I added some medicine in their food
Uncle! The medicine really works
Even we can't stand it!
Yes!
Why did you give them that to eat? Change your position
It smells strange! But it's not bad
What was that?
Who's there?
Who's that?
I'm sorry!
It's you, my brother!
What were you doing up there?
I just woke up. I went out for a jog and then..
Suddenly my body started feeling really light
Before I knew it, I was on the roof
That's amazing!
I'm sorry but I really have to go pee
Go on please!
Brother!
You're creeping around at night pretending you're Wang Ju-Sheng
Who the hell is that?
Why do I feel so hot after that meal?
Who's dancing on the floor at midnight?
Miss. Do you hear anyone dancing?
Don't try and put the moves on me Aladdin
Maybe Iam Aladdin, but I do know I'm cuter than her
I decided to use "three Flowers gathering on the Top"!
No! Uncle!
Master told me that Kung-Fu is very powerful
If you don't use it well you'll not able to control yourself
There will be a reversal of time and space around you
Reversal of time & space?
Yes! That means
Everything will be reversed
If you go forward, you'll move backwards instead
If you want to go up, you'll fall down instead. Understand?
It's dangerous. But I'll fight with them to avenge my brother
Cheng-Jeng-Sun-Che!
Uncle! Here we are!
I know I shouldn't do this,
but I can't help myself
I know I shouldn't do this, But I can't help myself.
Will you keep it down, I'm doing my nails
Where are the toilets in this place?
Three flowers gathering on the top!!
Again! Again! Why isn't it working?
I can't hold it anymore!
Three flowers gathering on the top!!
You pervert!
I know I shouldn't do this
You pervert!
I'm not!
You pervert!
I'm not!
You pervert!
I'm not!
The third princess!
I don't want to know...
Listen to me!
We're broken up now!
Wow! That was really weird
I have to avenge brother!
I won't force you to change your mind
I'm glad the princess has a firm grasp of what is right and wrong
You bitch! Lewd woman!
You better stop slapping me.. or else!
How dare you!
This tree is big enough to be my shield
Why is it so light?
Great! Like fish in the water
Good!
That stupid boy! He's hiding being that plant
Careful! Stay alert!
Yes!
Don't cry!
Do you think I like this?
Why are you crying? Don't cry!
I don't want to be royalty anymore
Sit down here!
I'll stab you to death
How dare you do that to him, I'll choke you!
Hey Brother! May I ask...
This's none of your business
You're hurt, right? Now you know my strength
I finally avenged my brothers death!
- Wow! Chou-Po-Tong! - Is he Chou Po-Tong?
Are you Chou Po-Tong?
I'll kick you to death!
Chou Po-Tong!
Princess!
Don't come any closer!
It's between him and me. Don't get involved
I see! Wait a minute, what do they have against eachother?
I'll go take a look
Could he be that rapist?
I have to go tell the princess
Princess!
I got you now! I'm drowning you!
Brother! I miss you so much!
He must be out of his mind
He must think I'm Wang Chon-Yang
Po-Tong! I miss you, too
Let's sit down!
Princess!
Don't go!
Can I help you?
Have you seen the princess?
You pervert! How dare you mention her name?
What's the matter?
I'll kill you before you can get to her
OK! If that's the way it is. I'll show you the power of I-Yang Finger
Do you think I'm afraid of you?
You son of a bitch! How dare you use your finger?
You started this!
I'll kill you!
Go to hell!
I want to die! When can I die!
Don't waste those skills trying to kill eachother. Kill me instead!
Beggar! Get away from me!
I want to kill him!
Please stop! kill me first!
Beggar! Go away! I want to kill him!
Let me die! Kill me first!
Go away!
Please kill me!
If you won't kill me, I'll kill you
Beggar! What do you want?
I won't stop this, till one of you kills me
My true love!
Don't hurt my true love!
So you were having a lovers spat?
Don't hurt him! Are you ok?
I'm the dignified beggar's leader! I can't be killed by people like you?
Hey! Have you had enough?
True love! Please tell me that you love me! Just once!
Then I'll be able to die! Say it!
OK!
Hey that wasn't very nice what you said!
True love!
I don't like men like that!
If you keep following me like this, I can be a real jerk
True love! You ran away so fast!
I couldn't even take a breath
Why don't you want to just tell me that you love me
This is ridiculous!
We both are men. How can I fall in love with you?
True love! It's ok! You can treat me as a woman
OK! Bad idea
You can be the woman!
Ridiculous!
True love!
OK! Don't cry!
I'm so cold!
You made these clothes for me
Po-Tong. Don't you remember?
Brother! May I ask you
Have you ever fallen in love with me?
Yes! Now I realize you're my real love
Really?
We'll be a couple in our next life
I forgot! I'm already immortal!
Brother! Don't leave me!
Please come back!
What's the matter?
True love! Why are you so sad?
Don't cry! There's a saying
A woman's mind is like the needle under the sea. Makes no sense Huh?
So what! She fell for someone else. It's her loss, you're a great guy.
Besides, you have me!
Listen, a man's heart is like gold
I beg you just say "I love you"!
Just say it, ok?
You freak!
Why'd you hit me?
I was consoling you
Why does he think I'm a freak?
Chou-Po-Tong committed suicide
Goodnight little guy
Let's go! Quit complaining
How would you like it if your mouth looked like 2 sausages?
Find me a doctor, please
Where can I find a doctor so early?
Let's have some tea first
I have no appetite
Maybe you don't, but I do
Hey! I don't want to hold hands with you!
How could he do that to me? I'll show him!
Let's get a table!
Cousin!
I'm gonna faint
Could this be fate?
He seems to still be in love with me. He'll be my first victim
This girls eye's are so beautiful
You'll be next
They're amazing!
She's so enchanting!
Why are you staring at me?
I didn't! Cousin!
Cousin? You're joking
The girl's too beautiful to be your cousin
Is it....true?
She's not doing anything? Can't she see I'm giving her the eye?
Storekeeper!
Can you get me some sausages?
You have some on your face. You want some more?
Yes! To go!
I'll put it in a bag for you!
Are you still looking at her! She's so elegant
She'd never fall in love with a beggar
That's hard to say!
Did you hear that?
That's like a toad wanting to be with a swan
You calling me a toad?
Are you a sweet guy?
- I am! - I am!
You dare try and touch my hand!
Why is she looking at me like that?
Give up?
Yes, I do!
Your friend is cute too
Yeah! You check out those great lips?
You jelous, why you gotta talk about my lips?
Maybe she'd like to kiss those big things
Please stop!
His mouth wasn't always like this
It swelled up after getting some poison in is mouth
I have this medicine that might take the swelling down
Really it's okay!
Is he ok?
You have to fight poison with poison! I assure you he'll be ok!
Isn't it a coincidence that we're both here for tea
That's what happened
How heartless of him!
Do you want me to teach him a lesson? I'll do it for you
Why cause anymore trouble?
He's so powerful. You couldn't beat him
Really? I don't think so!
He thinks he's so sexy
You don't know how powerful I am...
Look! He's ok! You really can fight poison with poison
Can you stand up!
Sure!
Although my mouth is still swollen. I can hear better now
You should thank me
Miss, please don't raise your voice!
You should be greatful
If someone helps you, you gotta pay them back
Go and change your clothes
Then we'll go find the man that broke your heart
Lady! Please don't cry so loud!
Hey! Where did you go?
I'm fixing something here
Did you fix the crystal ball yet?
No! Can't you see I'm busy?
Damn it! what'd I ask you!
Well, what were you doing then?
I was taking a crap
How did you get it out?
I spent a lot of time cooking steamed wine chicken to get it out!
I'll kill you!
I got your vital point! Don't move! Or you'll die
You fed me this centipede
Ordering me around, you think that was fun for me?
Are you hungry?
"Invincible Big Crab"
Please Please I'm sorry! What do you want?
I'll let you go this time
But don't go around doing this type of stuff again
Uncle!
Let me go!
Brother! Wait!
What do you want?
You look so depressed and sad
Why don't we find a place and have a drink?
Brother! Wait!
Now wonder he wants to cancel the engagement
He's been lying to me, he secretly likes men
Let me go!
Uncle!
Don't do this! Uncle!
I have to put an end to all this
Sir! May I help you?
Any music tonight?
Music! Everyone's already at home asleep?
I said I want music!
What happened to your hand?
OK! I'll go get some for you!
Let me go!
Uncle!
Let me die!
Brother!
Master!
- Did you avenge me? - Yes!
Really! You think you did!
Isn't that evil woman dead?
It's not her
The real murderer is the person wearing boots
Hurry up and avenge me!
What's taking so long?
Hey! Wake up!
So this boot killed my brother
Master's too powerful to be killed by that something like that!
It's not an ordinary boot
It's the greatest weapon in human history
So we have to find the owner of the boot
to avenge our brother
It's no use for me to stay here alone
I'll go to Dan-Sha Mountain
Please!
Don't leave me, princess
Will you promise me?
Promise me!
I'll think about it
Princess! You really look so beautiful
By the way. Your hair looks great, too
That's because I wanted to look nice for you today
I asked the hairstylist to do this for me
Really nice!
Actually it's because of the shampoo they used
What brand?
It's a secret
The songs over
I know
Now, can you say "I love you" to me?
That's easy. Listen, "I love....
Whats happening? Don't go!
Great! Now I can be an immortal
I'm flying away!
Up to the heavens! To be an immortal!
Why am I still here?
You have to finish saying it!
I'm still here! My true love!
Princess!
That was weird!
Why is she acting so cold?
I see
I think she's mad because I didn't tell her I loved her
I'm not mad, but could you please finish saying it?
True love! Don't run away!
This must be my imagination. Or was that guy's head floating?
Help me! Help!
Be careful! A flying head!
Wow! Never seen that before!
Take my "Hurricane Leg"
Uncle! Let me help you!
Martial dragon is out of the seas
Tiger running through the forest
He comes up through the middle
He can't get through me!
Come on! Shoot! Shoot!
He shoots!
Damn it! I missed!
He scores!
I'm so dizzy
Uncle!
I think I heard Mr. Shu's voice
Princess! Let me finish what I was saying
What do you want to say?
Now's my chance
Princess! I want to tell you something
I've been thinking about it for a long time
Princess! I love you!
Goodbye everyone!
Are you sick? How come you can't pee?
No, I just have something on my mind
Do you think she really likes me?
Do you really want me to say?
Sure! Say it!
You're so boring! No one would like you!
Hey! You wanted to hear the truth didn't you, don't hit me!
Shut up! Give me an idea
What took so long?
- You want me to commit suicide? - That's romantic
OK! Let's do it together
Together? You're the one who wants her love! Not me!
Do you want me to go then?
Are you finished?
Can't you figure out another way?
That's easy
Just take her to the forest and rape her
I can even hold her hands for you
Asshole! Don't you have a better idea?
It depends on if you're willing to learn
To win a girl's heart, it's all in the eyes
Look!
Do I look sexy?
No! You look funny!
Stop messing around, Take a closer look!
How about now?
Forget you then!
OK! I'll stop laughing!
Don't laugh!
Let's do it again!
Do I look cool?
You smell so bad I can't answer that
Screw you then!
I'm spending my time trying to help you. And all you can think about is my smell?
This is how you talk to girls! This way first, and then that way
After that, then this part
After that, then this part! And then...
And then?
And then you kiss
Don't!
Is that you O-Yang Fong?
She's asking you
Are you asking me or him?
No, the guy behind you
- She's asking you not me? - Let's try out those moves okay
Come on! There she is, do it
What the hell are you doing?
I'm going to faint again!
He...
What happened?
He has something to say to you
What do you want to say?
I hate you!
Take this jerk!
You tried to kill me so you could have her!!
You just figured that out?
Remember me?
Take this!
Took me a long time, but I finally found you!
You probably thought I'd never find you
I already got your lover back, and I just gave you yours
What the hell was that? Oh god, now I can't see
I better leave before someone else beats me up
Darling! You're nice to me!
Princess! Listen, I'm not your darling
Oh god! More humans!
Wang-Yo-Shu is a stinky beggar!
Although he's madly in love with the princess
The third princess is too weak
She's upset because that jerk broke up with her
Now she's out of her mind
I still haven't avenged my father's death
Otherwise, I'd marry you! Darling!
Why do you have to pretend you're happy?
Why do you have to ask when you know the answer?
Don't cry! Don't be sad!
Try on this boot
See if it fits, it'll make you feel better
I don't need to! It fits me perfectly
I'll tell you the truth! I killed your brother
Kill me!
Thanks for telling me! I'll do it for you
It'll be quick and painless
No! Don't kill my darling!
- Princess! - Your majesty!
Your Majesty? Is he here, too
The princess isn't in the best state of mind,
please just humor her
Darling! Come and see my father!
Hurry! Call on Your Majesty
My majesty!
Don't be so polite!
Take it easy! Don't be so polite
Brother!
What a coincidence! Since you're here call on your majesty
Brother! He asks us to call on Your Majesty
Kneel down!
Boundless blessings to Your Majesty
So the princess is here too
The mantis seizing the cicada, not knowing the oracle is just behind you
This time you can't get away from me
All of you stand up!
Great! I've finally avenged my brother
You're a real creep
How can you attack someone from behind?
Huang!
Are you ok?
What do you think?
That's your ex-boyfriend!
Cousin! Control yourself!
Don't yell at me in front of him. OK! I'll control myself
Shang Long eighteen fists!
Wow! that guy's crazier than me?
Chow! Do you like him?
I'll fix this
My friend!
Don't be so angry! She really likes you a lot
How do you know?
She just told me
How dare you talk to her?
Tong-Chu-Shen-Tong!
Shang Long eighteen fists!
Hu-Ho-Shun-Shin!
Da-Shen-Pi-Kwa!
Shen-Ren-Dan-Ru!
The monkey is stealing peaches
You're the Beggars' leader and you're using that cheap monkey move?
What... you're not better than me
I can use whatever moves I like!
Huang! Cousin!
Huang!
Are you ok?
Are you alright? Darling!
Weird! Why does this boot look so much like my old one?
Really?
He's scarier than us!
Maybe we can scare them to death
OK!
Are you afraid? Say! Why are you here?
Wow, monsters can talk?
I'm not a monster! I'm a bird
Hey! I'm the one asking questions here! Who are you?
I'm not a man!
Aren't you?
Did you ever see a man with such big ears and a large mouth?
What are you then? Tell us!
I'm a duck!
A duck?
I'm a clown duck! I-Ya-I-Ya-Yo!
He really is a duck!
Yeah! But I look a little bit like a human
By the way! Duckie! Why are you here on Dong Sha Mountain?
Here's the story
They forced me to help them get the book in that cave
Don't be afraid! They'll never find it
We hid it in the back of the mountain
Then I don't have to be afraid then
Well! I'll teach you one feigning tactics
Go and chase them away, ok?
I've got it! I've been looking so hard for you
Me too!
Don't run!
Don't kill my father!
Stop chasing me!
Stop! See I'll catch you
Human beings! They're hideous!
Go!
Don't kill my father!
Darling! Where are you?
A monster!
You can't run away from me this time!
I'll be unstopable after I get the nine Ding
Where did you go?
So you mean the murderer is O-Yang Fong!
Are you lying to me?
Trust me!
We've found the three monsters! We can recover our land
Where's the princess?
Don't be afraid! Let me take a look at my crystal ball
Wow! Where'd you pull that big thing from?
O-Yang Fong took him away
Damn! He took the "Ding", too
Weird! Why can't I see that?
Easy, I know magic. You don't
If you want to catch them take this flying carpet
You can travel one thousand miles a day with it
You have to save the princess
before O-Yang Fong learns the skills of Jo-In-Jong-Jing
Let's go now!
Me too!
Queen! I haven't seen your lover for days?
Where could he be?
He's studying the top on fighting skill Jo-In-Jeng-Jin
No one is allowed to interrupt him when he's studying
Fong is going to master Jo-n-Jeng-Jin
before the Imperial Master comes back here
I'm a man combining the qualities of intelligence and bravery
I'm sure I can comprehend the subtlety of Jo-In-Jen-Jin
I heard the imperial master found many masters from Chung-Yun
Yeah! They'll never beat Fong!
My Royal Highness! An ambassador from Persia wants to meet you
Persia?
Well what are you waiting for?
The moment we talk about him, he'll come right away
The Persian Ambassador is here!
The Persian Ambassador! Aren't you going to say something to me?
Congratulations!
Imperial Master! Why are dressed like a Persian?
I used to be Persian!
I shouldn't trust anything you say
This time I want to save the princess
Where do you think you are?
You come as you wish and go as you wish
Look!
Look what I got here bitch!
It hurts so much
I took 7 bottles of "Chung-Ko-Chou stomach Medicine"
There's not even a little bit of crab's meat in my stomach
I told you before not to talk with her
Will you be quiet!
Take this!
Protect her Majesty!
Get them!
Kill!
"Ton-Ju-Shen-Kong"
Jo-Cheng-Sheng Fist!
Bitch!
Look over there!
100 points! Virgin Sword style!
I'm going to get this
I can do this!
I'm so afraid! There's so many people! Where's the duck?
Chun-Jen Sword style!
Get him! Ask him where duck is
Let me help you!
Huang! Let's use "Speak with with your eyes" sword style
OK!
Why are you so intimate?
Go to hell!
Finger snap!
Da-Cheng-Ro-Chei!
Chi-Jon-Bu-Bi!
Da-In-Ro-Chon!
Chi-Jon-Wu-Chun!
Where's the duck?
- Huang! - Chow!
You were great!
You too!
What's the matter with you!
You can't look at him like that!
All dead!
And me!
So fast! One more!
You have to die!
Don't worry! I'll help you find her!
So many people died! it must be fate
I found the third princess!
Here she is!
They tried to fool us!
The Princess!
You're here! Imperial Master this is great!
Thanks!
She's in a coma. What should we do?
She was poisoned by the Queen
We can ask the queen to give us the antidote
Or we can just kill her
They want to kill me! No way!
Fong!
Here I come!
I'll let you live if you give it to me
Fong! I adore you!
If you're smart, you'll let the princess go
Otherwise, I'll kill your lover
Go ahead!
I want to marry the princess now
Go ahead , kill her
I can't believe you! You...
I should have known you're a liar
But I also prepared for this. Do you want to marry the princess?
I fed her "Taiwan's Rotten banana"! If you can neutralize the poison,
you can marry her
How can you be so cruel?
Give me the antidote
Medicine? Taiwan's rotten banana is stronger than what you had
Only the tear of a true lover can save her
He's the man who killed your brother
So that's you! I'll avenge my brother
I'll show you the power of Jo-In-Jeng-Jin
How can this be possible?
I'll teach you a lesson!
You came at the right time
I never imagined you were this good
Martial dragon is in the field
"Jo-In White Bone" plus "Toad Sheng-Kong"!
"Fat dragon in the sky!
"Toad sucking disk hand"
Cousin! Are you ok?
"Nine fingers interlocked ring Sheng Kong"!
Inhale!
Brother!
What's wrong?
Since he's so powerful, we should work together to beat him
I'll use my "Jo-Chun Fist" and "three flowers gathering on the top"
"Shan-Long-Eighteen Fist"!
"Dried Firewood Strong fire Fist"!
"Snapping fingers"!
Try my "Jo-In-White Bone paw"
Delicate touch upon the water surface
Attacking the vital point in the sky!
Mr. Huang, how dare you fight with me?
Now you're dead. No one can save you
The immortals descending to earth
It's Chi-Kon!
No! That's Mr. Dwan!
Who are you? You look like you're wearing a red envelope? Leave now!
Who are you? I've never seen you before
How dare you make such insulting remarks?
What kind of monster are you?
Have you ever seen such a big red envelope?
I told you I am an immortal!
Mr. Wang! If you wouldnt've said "I love you" to me
I wouldn't be what I am today
So if you have any problems, I'll solve them all for you
He killed the Princess! Help me kill him to avenge her
Brother! I don't think so!
The first thing I do after descending from heaven is to kill someone??
I'm an immortal, not a professional killer
Even an immortal can die!
Why do you have to but in? Boundless Mercy Palm
Jo-In White Bone paw!
Sorry! Sorry!
I didn't know "Boundless Mercy Paw" was so powerful
Sir. Please stand up!
The monkey's stealing peaches
The immortal's picking grapes!
Didn't I tell you I'm an immortal?
If I have peaches then there'll be lots of little immortals
I'm sick of your mouth!
Fly!
Stop punching! You broke everything
Attack!
Mean person!
Attack!
Anti-attack!
So here you are!
Good! Give me that!
Brother! Here I am!
Why can't I see you?
What happened?
Where are you?
Here!
Do you have the guts to fight me?
Jo-In White Bone Paw!
It's over! You just killed a person!
You'll go to hell for that
Jo-In White Bone Paw!
You killed three more people! We had a deal not to kill anyone
I don't care! I'll do whatever I like
To save all beings!
I killed someone, too! What should I do?
Mr. Dwan! Those people you killed are all bad guys
Jade Emperor will forgive you
Mr. Dwan! Kill him now!
Can an immortal kill people?
If you don't go to hell, who will?
You're the bad guy!
I'll teach you a lesson if you dare say that again
Teach me a lesson? I'm the teacher here!!
The ninth style of "Jo-In-Jeng Pa" Wang-Fo-Chau-Jon
Wait a second?
That belongs to "Ru-Lai Palm"
I just like using it
You can't do that!
OK! See my fighting skill
Thunder split Scissors! Win by your draw, Slam, making two pairs
Accelerate!
Wan Fo Jau Jon!
Quit making stuff up!
Red chung! One tile of circle! No three sets! No four lines
This was fun! Wanna play again!
Banana plus Guava!
Don't say dirty words during Chinese New Year
Let me say some good luck greetings to you
Congratulation and be prosperous! Blossoms and a good fortune
Achieving things as you wish every year! Unexcelled luck and great prosperity
Be Peaceful every year! The older the stronger
You want some more? I'll give you a big one
East achievement west complement
The duck is here!
What's wrong?
They were fighting! But now they are offering New Year's greetings
Congratulations and be prosperous
Thanks!
Unexcelled luck and great prosperity
This is ridiculous!
Have a lotus nut! Have a lotus seed
I hope you have a baby soon!
Thanks!
Don't you worry! He's gone now!
Brother! That Indian won't make any trouble again
I'm just paying you back for everything
Thanks!
Hey! faggot!
I mean you!
I have these Han Ko pills. Take them and you can save Chen-Jen-Sun-Tsu
How come you only gave me 2?
I'm rich now! How do you think I got that way?
By giving things away?
Mix it with water! And cut it into 3 parts for them
That's it
The princess is still in a a coma! Shall I give her one?
If she dies, what will we do?
The movie is almost over. Of course I'll help you wake her up
Where is it!
Here it is! Swallow this pill
She'll wake up once you take it!
How can I swallow this?
Don't take that! that'll hurt coming out the other end!
Remember! Call me for tea sometime
See you next time, everybody
You're so bad!
Where's Uncle?
He's not dead! What the hell?!
Fong!
Mamma! Papa! Let's go home!
When I see happy couples, it makes me think of my true love
Brother!
Brother! I missed you so much
Po-Tong! We're from different worlds
And we are both men
We could never be together
I know!
If you know that, why are your trying to hold my hand?
You can let go whenever you want